Crayons and a Cardboard Heart
Sometimes we pour our hearts into finding (or making) the perfect gift for someone we love. That gift may represent unspoken hopes, such as the wish to share a future together, or the desire to see a loved one find success. The gift may be a reminder, letting the recipient know the giver is present, perhaps not physically but in mind. The gift may carry a message -- "Don't forget me" or "I'm thinking of you."
Overall, gifts are a lovely notion. We enjoy giving them; we enjoy receiving them.
Unfortunately, at times gifts may be given out of obligation, guilt (apology roses don't smell as sweet, eh?), or purely as a social leverage technique, an attempt to curry favor or achieve some other end.
The latter reason is overt, and therefore, not quite as interesting to me. Gifts of obligation and guilt are fascinating, however. Is it not enough to convey "I'm sorry" or make amends via words and more meaningful actions (such as doing something that was neglected or trying not to repeat an infraction)? Do gifts smooth the road, make the recipient forget the giver's wrongdoing? Does the giver want to weigh down the recipient with a reminder of what went wrong?
Sure makes it hard to forgive and forget.
Why not eschew the obvious, why not give simple gifts that carry the same message? Being around for a person in need. Taking the time to listen to a problem or to support someone who doesn't receive a lot of caring. Remembering things that are important to your loved ones. These small actions may bring big rewards. Letting a friend or lover know that they are important, that they are special to you, these are gifts that are far-reaching.
They will be remembered, and you will be remembered, because the effort and time required for such gifts of oneself come from a place that does not take credit cards. There's no returning them, and they are one-of-a-kind, intended for just that recipient and something that can only be given by you.
What do you think? If you've been wronged, would you rather someone woo themselves back in your favor by spoiling you with a gift or two, or would you rather see redress of a more emotional or proactive nature?
And what if you're the wrongdoer? What do you do to return to someone's good graces?
Ren D.